Losing a little part of you

[caption id="attachment_928" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Grandma Marie at my wedding"][/caption]

I've been noticeably absent from my other blog and this one. Two weeks ago, my grandma took a nasty spill down the stairs and ended up in the ICU. After talking to my aunt and some coaxing from my dad (this is not his mother, it's my mom's mother), I took an unexpected trip to Nebraska. I'm now glad I did end up making that trip as she passed away the day after I got to Omaha. Losing my grandma has been really hard and though she told us to never cry ... she lived a long 86 year life with her 5 children, 13 grandchildren and 16 great-grandchildren ... I find myself each day grieving and hurting. It happened so fast I guess maybe I'm in shock.

My grandma was like my second mom. I always looked up to her as her priority was her family. She didn't care about material things as they didn't make her happy. When my parents divorced, my mom went back to work and my grandma and grandpa took care of me during my kindergarten year, in the summers or if I was sick. When my mom died, she took it hard and she never got over it but she continued to be there for my brothers and I.

I thought about spending the month of November telling stories like I did about my mother but I'm not ready yet. Each night, I'm exhausted and just don't have the energy. I know with losing my mom, that it will get better but for now, I just need a little space. I know you'll understand.

In the woods

[caption id="attachment_852" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="The Mighty Ni"][/caption]

Some of my fondest memories as a child were camping with my family in the summer. Each year, we'd take a float trip down the Niobrara River and camp for a few days. We'd spend the day canoeing along and then spend the evening trying to see who can find the most firewood, make dutch oven cobbler and tell ghost stories. The best part of the trip were those nights around the camp fire playing UNO or trying to scare my younger brother into thinking there is a guy named Three Fingered Jack (which I had no idea there was a mountain named this until I moved to Oregon).

My husband and I love the great outdoors but since Lil B was born, we haven't camped. Each weekend, we say we're going to go but we don't and then our friends gave us a little push so we met them out last weekend along Cascade Lakes Highway.

Even though we forgot a few things (the pack n play being the most important), the camping trip was successful. The only minor thing to happen was Lil B didn't take a nap and got a little overtired. He wouldn't go to sleep so we took him for a car ride and he slept from 6:30 pm to 6 am. I bundled him in his sleeping bag and fleece footie jammies and not a peep until morning.

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Mud pies"][/caption]

Some of the highlights of the camping trip:

• Lil B learned how to make mud pies


• I tried stand up paddle boarding and loved it


• We played UNO and I learned I was playing it wrong all these years


• Our dog is good at keeping the chipmunks away


• Compostable baby wipes are not just for a baby's butt but have a multitude of uses during a camping trip


• Kids (and parents) get really dirty while camping


• I can take 3 kids under 4 years old for a walk along with a dog off leash and have no problems


• There are a lot of stars out at 3 am when I have to pee "camping style"


• A two year old will stay away from the camp fire after one time of feeling the heat


• Once a bag of kettle corn is open, you have to finish it


• A bucket and pail will keep a toddle busy for hours

You can view more photos here.

I’m in a pickle

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="pickling cucumbers"][/caption]

Last week I was sitting at a business meeting at a newly re-opened restaurant enjoying a veggie sandwich when I took a bite of what I thought was a dill pickle. My lunch companion noticed that I really didn't care for a bread and butter pickle cut up to look like a dill pickle.

"YUCK!" I said as I spit the pickle out. Not my finest moment but this gave me the opportunity to talk about my love of dill pickles, especially my Grandma's homemade pickles. My Grandma used to spend the summers canning veggies and sauce and making homemade jams. Each summer she'd make her famous dill pickles and they'd be all eaten up by the end of the week!

When I moved from Nebraska, I knew I would miss those pickles and fortunately for me, my 86 year old Grandma found an easy recipe  I could make without too much fuss. She calls them "Polish Sun Dill Pickles." Yes, you read that right, SUN PICKLES.

First, get yourself a large glass jar ... like the one you use to make sun tea with. Now, when I bought my sun tea jar, my husband was puzzled ... "you don't drink tea?" My response, "SUN PICKLES." He scratched his head last summer when I told him and was a little worried about my state of mind.

Wash your pickling cucumbers and place them in a jar with half a head of garlic and 6 springs of dill. I don't usually measure how many pounds I buy as I usually take the sun tea jar with me and fill it up at the store and then put them in a baggy.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="299" caption="Yes, that is a sun tea jar full of pickles"][/caption]

Mix together water, vinegar, 1/2 cup of salt (I used kosher salt) and alum powder and pour over the cucumbers. Put in the sun for 48 hours.  Yes, they are THAT EASY.

Now, when they are done, I put them in jars with the pickle juice and store in the frig. My Grandma was telling me that I don't need to put them in the refrigerator but I just do it to be on the safe side.

Enjoy!!!

Polish Sun Pickles

6 1/2 c. water
3 1/4 c. white vinegar
4-6 sprigs dill
1/2 c. salt
1/2 head of garlic
1 tsp. alum powder

Wash cubes and put in large sun tea jar. Mix above ingredients and put int0 jar. Set in sun for 2 days.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="299" caption="Sun pickles chillin'"][/caption]

Happy Mother’s Day

Last night, I was awoke at 1:30 a.m. to the crying of a toddler. This has been happening a lot lately and well, I know what to do, just let him cry but I can't let him cry. So, I bring him to bed and he falls asleep but then after an hour of kicking me and Brian, I got up and put him back in the crib which ignites WWIII.  Last resort, pull out the DVD player and put on Thomas. Within 10 mins he was sound asleep. He also is waking up at 4:30 a.m. ready to start the day. A friend was telling me when her kid did this, she changed the diaper and just let her kid cry and after a week, he was waking up at 6 a.m.

Since it was Mother's Day, I got to sleep in while Brian got up with Ben at 6:30 a.m. (he sleeps in usually after he awakes 1 a.m. - which makes these weekly wakes a little bearable).  I had my 8 a.m. running class so I didn't to sleep in much but it was nice, getting that extra sleep. When I woke up, Lil B heard me and ran down the hall. I was presented with a new cookbook (I'm a total junkie) and card colored by my little artist. After running, we went to brunch downtown. My husband asked if we had any Mother's Day traditions growing up. I had to think about this and then it dawned on me, yes, we did and it was pretty awesome.

Each year, since I was 5, I would look forward to our annual Mother's Day breakfast at my grandma's Polish church. I'd get to wear a dress but we had to be at Mass at 7 a.m. meaning we had to get up really really early. My mom and I would meet my Grandma at Mass and then after church we'd attend breakfast in the cafeteria of the Catholic School. It was the best pancakes, sausage and eggs served on a styrofoam plate with plastic forks and spoons. There would be a raffle and I'd usually win something. I remember one year I won a potted plant and presented it to my mom.

Usually, Mother's Day meant it was time to plant the garden, in fact, I called my Grandma today and guess what she was doing, planting her garden! Too bad we can't do that until the snow is melted off Black Butte.

After my mom died, I would planted my flower garden each year on Mother's Day. Mother's Day was always bittersweet. One gal I work with joked on Friday "my mom is dead so that is one less gift I have to worry about each year." I know she was joking and I even laughed but I wouldn't have found that funny a few years ago.

Mother's Day is different for me now. I don't need anything big or not even a card -- I just need to be with my peeps and I'm all good.

Thanks Mom, for being a wonderful role model and inspiration. You taught me how to be a good mother.

18 months

Benjamin,

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="Brobee and blankey"][/caption]

Last week, you turned 18 months old. As I say each month -- where does the time go? It was just yesterday you were sleeping soundly in your swing clutching your blanket. Now you just carry that blanket around. You and blankey are pretty much attached at the hip. I think we might have to make it into a cap someday.

Speaking of being attached at the hip, you also are pretty attached to the five binkies you sleep with. I'm devising a plan to get you off the binky and bottle by your second birthday. Shhh, don't tell Dr. Middleton tomorrow. We have been trying to limit binky time to only when you're fussy. Last week your vocabulary started to explode which gives your dad and I more reason to take the binky away. You can say hi, bye, banana, cookie, knock knock, kitty and your favorite -- uh oh. I'm sure there is a lot more you can say but we can't understand it just yet.

Your comprehension is pretty good as well. You know what brush your teeth means and you run down the hall, into the bathroom and try to reach for your toothbrush. You also know what "let's watch Yo Gabba Gabba." You run up to the TV and stare. You're quite fond of Brobee.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="350" caption="How Yo Gabba Gabba saved the 3 hour lay over."][/caption]

You recently decided to drop your morning nap though you can't quite make it to 1 p.m. you make it known by running up with your bottle and blankey letting us know you want a three hour nap. From 5 - 7 p.m. you're the fussiest kiddo on the planet, yet you won't go to bed at 7 p.m.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="350" caption="Look at those eyes"][/caption]

For the first time, I can see my mother and myself in you. You have the eyes, chin and I'm pretty sure the nose. I didn't believe it until I pulled out my baby photos -- you don't look exactly like your dad like we thought you would. Let's hope you have his thick wavy hair and my nice skin.

I'm excited for what the next six months bring. I'm excited to hear the new words you learn. I'm just excited and crazy about you.

Love,

Mama

Sit, kneel, stand

I grew up Catholic. I joke about it a lot - Catholic guilt, Catholic school - you know the drill.  I'm not going to knock Catholics or Catholic schools. I went to church up until I moved to Bend. After getting settled into Bend, I attended our only Catholic church and well, didn't go back. I didn't feel at home. I didn't get married in a Catholic Church. My son isn't baptized. I told my husband, I'm probably the black sheep of the family because of it. I'm pretty surprised I haven't heard "Your mother would not be proud of you."

Religion was pretty important to my mother. When faced with a divorce and three small children, she went to Mass each day on her lunch break to get her through it. She worked hard to send us to a good school (my younger brother and I attended public school while my brother went all 12 years. He should get a medal or something for that).  She made me get up for 18 years, every Sunday and when I went away to college, she would call and make sure I went to church. Some of those Sundays I sang in the choir. I did it so I could hang out with my friends during Mass. When I was old enough to drive, my brother and I would skip church and get breakfast. I'm sure she was onto us.

Even though we don't go to church, I still believe in God. I still send good thoughts and prayers. I'm still puzzled what to do about Benjamin though. I know it will come to me sooner or later.

When I've gone through a hard time in my life, I just remember my mom telling me that she went to church everyday on her lunch break and she got through anything life put in her way.

Gobble gobble

We had a lot of traditions growing up. Coconut pies and Grandma's for Thanksgiving. At Christmas, my brother Christopher said he loved the way we opened our gifts (from youngest to oldest, one at a time). For some reason, I always had the most gifts (my mom said this was because the stuff I wanted was always cheap). After the gifts, we'd head to Grandma's for food, presents and sometimes Midnight Mass.  For Easter, my mom would make strawberry pie and my Grandma would make a ham. The holidays are about your family and since we have a little one, it was time to start traditions.

I made my first Thanksgiving family meal this year. I was quite nervous about it and I got a lot of crap for brining my turkey the weekend before and then de-boning my turkey but it was worth it. My sister-in-law, who is  a vegetarian  most of the time, said it was the best turkey she's eaten -- EVER.  The cornbread stuff wasn't so good though. My husband was against the cornbread stuffing from the beginning. He said it was too sweet. I was the only one who would eat it so guess where it ended up -- the trash. I should have boxed it up and taken it to a homeless shelter. I thought it was good though.

My husband and I decided that we wanted to celebrate Thanksgiving with family. Since my mother-in-law works on the holidays, we invited my sister-in-law and her family over. She brought the vegetables and pies (yum!) and I worked on the rest.  After our bellies were full of the best turkey dinner EVER they played Truth or Dare Jenga while I entertained the toddler.

I have to stay, this was the best Thanksgiving giving we've had since I moved to Bend. And I hope it becomes a tradition.

Blood pressure blues

I've become a little obsessed with taking my blood pressure. My little Omron machine has been attached at my hip for the past 8 days. I have to take the machine into my doctor next week who is looking to see how my pressure is doing. As I told my husband, that little machine is stressing me out -- so much that it's elevating my blood pressure even more. I take my blood pressure during the night. I sneak into the bathroom and chant  "stay under 85, stay under 85" and 93 shows up. ARGH!

For the first time in a month, I felt normal after a hard workout (heart rate didn't go over 128. Normally it's up to 170). And for the first time in two weeks, I forgot to take my machine to the gym with me. Oops!

Today I went to the store. I was tasked to get foods that fit the food pyramid. You see, if you follow the food pyramid, you'll lower your blood pressure and maybe lose weight. Who knew? (I'm kidding here).  So I shopped the outer perimeter of the grocery store. I stayed away from the donuts. In my basket were bananas, cuties, carrots, sugar snap peas, whole wheat bread, mini bagels and orange juice with pulp. BORING.  This week features meals involving less salt and more fresh foods. Yay, I'm so excited. NOT.

My friend Jen is an inspiration. She's recently has lost 30 lbs in the past year just running. I know if she can do it, I can. It wasn't that hard - she got me running. I just have to run more. The hard part is finding the time and creating a routine. So, I'm going to hit the running hard once I am cleared to do so.

The other thing is I want the medication to be temporary. My mother and grandmother both suffer(ed) from high blood pressure. I didn't know my grandma had this problem until I told her I had high blood pressure. She won't watch her diet because she's 86 (nice excuse) so she doesn't mind taking medication but I do. I don't want to be popping pills for something I can prevent. I owe that to my son and husband.

Of course, my husband and son are going to suffer. South Beach Diet cookbook, here I come.

Pumpkin crazed days

I went a little crazy with pumpkin-flavored recipes goods this year. Inspired to try cooking from scratch, I roasted two sugar pumpkins and ended up with 4 cups of pumpkin puree. From this I made a tradition pumpkin pie, pumpkin brownies , baked pasta shells with pumpkin puree and pumpkin crumble. I was a little sick of our little orange friend after that. I usually indulge in a few pumpkin spiced lattes but I’ve only had two this year (good for the waistline, I guess). I have now moved onto sweet potatoes and cranberries. For my cookbook club, I made a sweet potato bourbon cheesecake and for my husband, I made his favorite cranberry bread. Needless to say, I’ve been in a baking frenzy.

When I was a kid, we’d spend Thanksgiving with my mother and her side of the family. My grandma would spend days preparing the side dishes and her famous dressing (which isn’t so famous as it’s just the recipe in the Bohemian Cookbook). My mother was always in charge of the desserts. She never made pumpkin pie but she always made two coconut cream pies -- whipping the heavy cream, browning the coconut. Those pies were heaven.  For some reason, I can't bring myself to make one. Maybe I wouldn't get so sick of pumpkin?

Jazzercise

Last night I got home from work, fed the kiddo, decompressed and then I picked myself off the couch and went to the gym. I always feel guilty going to the gym because I'm away from my kid all day and then I go somewhere for an hour and be away from him. My husband says I need this time but I still feel guilty. I don't know how I'll get over it but I must.

When I was a kid, somehow my mom talked me into going to Jazzercise with her. I then talked my friend Mariel and her mom into going as well. This is where I learned my mother wasn't so coordinated. I was a geeky, tall and lanky 13 year old so doing jazz steps and jumps wasn't so pretty either. I shouldn't be making fun of my mom. The site of my Jazzercing wasn't so pretty. It was something that my mom and I did together for two years, three times a week. We'd motivate each other to go and we'd have a good time. My mother wasn't athletic and that was the most she exercised but she gave it a try and I was pretty proud of her.

What I wasn't proud of was the neon outfit I wore to do my workouts in! Good thing I don't have photos of those moments.

Wannabe Italian

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="180" caption="Manicotti, it ain't rocket science"][/caption]

My mom was pretty good at making the classics. One of her specialties was manicotti. The recipe wasn't a secret -- she always made the recipe on the back of the noddle box (you're seeing a trend here). We would beg her to make this dish weekly but she'd put it off as long as she could. Manicotti was not so simple to make as I found out years later when I made it myself (if I was going to wow a guy, I would make manicotti -- and it usually did the trick). Sometimes my mom would add spinach or Italian sausage. Sometimes she made her own red sauce. Other times she'd used a jar. It always tasted the same no matter what -- made with a lot of love.

Last night, my husband and I went out on a date night to the newest Italian restaurant in town Trattoria Sbandati. I always joke to my friends that I have to go to Omaha for good Italian. My trips to Omaha usually have a stop to Malara's to have lunch with a friend or my grandmother. They have the best homemade noodles (something i want to try sometime) and fried raviolis with their sweet marinara sauce. I can joke no longer as Trattoria Sbandati was fabulous. On the weekend they have four course wine dinners.  Gorganzola frittatta, creamy ribollita, chicken and chanterelles and chocolate mousse that was to die for. The wines were all amazing as well. We walked out of there wishing we could come back every weekend. I'm now tasked with finding a ribollita recipe for my family.

I spend most of my day prepping for turkey day. I de-boned my bird and wrapped it up in foil for roasting on Thursday. I made broth for the first time. (I don't think I'll ever go back.) I also made leek and wild chanterrelle mushroom risotto. the mushrooms were part of our csa and I had no idea what to do them.  Risotto is made with lots of love and stirring and doesn't disappoint. The stirring and adding of broth, the cheese and butter. Lots of love.

Mary Lu's Enchiladas

(I'm doubling up on posts to catch up for the two days I didn't post this month. Bear with me)

[caption id="attachment_336" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Mary Lu's Enchiladas"][/caption]

As I mentioned before, my brother said his favorite meal my mother made was enchiladas. She found this recipe on the back of an Old El Paso Enchiladas sauce can (the red sauce). I looked in the store the other day to notice the recipe has changed. Good thing I have a copy in my recipe cards. This one is for my brother Christopher.

Mary Lu's Enchiladas (ala Old El Paso)

1 lb of ground beef

1 onion chopped

2 cans red enchilada sauce

1 can tomato sauce

2 teaspoons brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon

2 cups jack cheese

8 flour torillas

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook onions until translucent (5-10 mins), then brown beef. In a sauce pan combine enchilada sauce, tomato sauce, sugar, cinnamon and salt. Bring to a boil and set aside.

Combine beef, 1 cup of cheese and 1/2 cup of prepared sauce. Dip tortillas in sauce, fill and roll. Top with one cup of cheese. Bake in the oven for 25-30 minutes.

Enjoy!

South Omaha Bohemian Cookbook

I sent my brothers an email asking them what their favorite childhood memories are from when we were kids. I didn't hear anything back so I assumed they were consumed with other things and forgot about it -- that was until yesterday. My sister-in-law Kasha sent a card in the mail with answers (brief but helpful answers) to my questions. My brother Chris and I share the exact favorite memories ... playing with toads on the sandy beaches at our cabin, skiing in Colorado, a love for our mother's enchiladas and holiday traditions (like the youngest goes first when opening gifts.

[caption id="attachment_329" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="South Omaha Bohemian Cookbook"][/caption]

A tradition in our family (from our Grandmother Marie) is to give each child when they get married the South Omaha Bohemian Cookbook. Here lie all the recipes my mother and grandma have used over the years ... meatloaf, chili, ambrosia salad, dumpling and sauerkraut recipes -- you name it -- they are in there (with the exception of the enchilada recipe my bother loves. That is on the back of the Old El Paso Enchilada Sauce can). Since my grandmother considered me a "spinster" because I didn't get married in my twenties, she bought me a copy in 1997. Often times I find myself searching the internet when the darn recipes is in the Bohemian Cookbook.  I remember at the same time, she bought my brother Chris one but then we discovered that his girlfriend at the time had my mother's cookbook (the one with all the sauce stains and notes). Unfortunately, he didn't get the cookbook back which sucks.

Though I love the Bohemian Cookbook chicken and rice recipes, waiting two hours to back isn't my style. My family loves this recipe and it's become a staple in our house.

Cheesy chicken and rice casserole (via www.campbellkitchen.com)

1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell's® Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup  (Regular, 98% Fat Free or Healthy Request®)

1 1/3 cups water

3/4 cup uncooked regular long-grain white rice

1/2 teaspoon onion powder

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

2 cup frozen mixed vegetables

4 skinless, boneless chicken breast half  (about 1 pound)

1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese

• Heat the oven to 375°F.  Stir the soup, water, rice, onion powder, black pepper and vegetables in a 2-quart shallow baking dish.


• Top with the chicken. Cover the baking dish.


• Bake for 50 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through and the rice is tender. Top with the cheese. Let the casserole stand for 10 minutes. Stir the rice before serving.

Super mom

You may recall I was interviewed by the Bulletin in October 2008 about being a new mother that had returned to work recently. In the article, I had told the reporter my mother was a single mom and I wondered as an adult – “how did she do it?” because I couldn’t ask her today since she died when I was 21 years old.

I’m the bread-winner – not by choice. My husband was laid off in Cascade Healthcare Community’s mass lay-off in February. As I have said before, he’s talented and has made his career as a multi-talented marketing professional – strategist, designer, writer. In these times, those jobs are hard to find and we’ve gotten by on freelance projects here and there plus unemployment benefits and my income.

This has taken a toll on my health as I’m trying to do it all – breadwinner, working mom, wife, clean the house, do the shopping, make the dinner – you get my point. In July, I had a panic attack at work. Not my finest professional moment that only two people saw. I haven’t had panic attacks in over 10 years. As I waited for the doctor to see me, I couldn’t figure out the source. My blood pressure was elevated and I had to monitor it for week until I saw my regular doctor who told me what I already knew – I needed to exercise, cut out salt. If I dropped 10-30 lbs, my pressure would go down. Three months later I came back 5 lbs lighter but everything was still high. She ordered me to keep running, watch my diet and come back in three months unless I started to have certain symptoms – tight chest feeling, headaches. And then those started happening.  As of yesterday, I’m blood pressure meds temporarily. I can not run for a few weeks since part of the problem was my heart rate was too high while running causing me to have even worse symptoms. I can walk and do light exertion but no running. Boo. Never thought I would be sad about that.

I feel like an idiot as my doctor figured out why my pressure was high before I did. I’m doing too much. I’m not taking time for myself (which is why I haven’t posted this much this week. The pressure was driving up my blood pressure as well).

My husband and son need me to be healthy. I need to be healthy myself. I need to ask for help. So my husband is now on board with doing things around the house. I need to realize that they may not be up to my standards but at least he’s helping.

I don’t know how my mom did it all plus go to school and then help my step dad launch a construction business. She was truly a super mom.

But I don't want to eat that

It wasn't until I became a wife and  mother that I  understood the heartache my mom went through each night to put a hot meal on the table each night. She would usually prepare the meal the night before after we had gone to bed. Before leaving to take us to school and work, she would put the oven on a timer to have it turn on so dinner would be ready by 6 p.m. each night. One of my favorite meals she made was a dish called beef and taters. For years I searched and searched for that recipe only to find  it was Shepard's pie! She just gave it a funny name because she knew her kids wouldn't eat something called Shepard's pie. Smart cookie, indeed!

I'm making a few of my mom's dishes this month in her honor. Some of her signatures were chicken and rice, enchiladas and stuffed peppers (this is everyone in my family's favorite). Of course, there were some that we turned our noses up to. Like the time she made beef stroganoff.

My mother was intent on getting us to like beef stroganoff but for some reason, I had this aversion to warmed up sour cream and I would not eat it. It broke her heart because usually if I ate it, that meant my younger brother would eat it and visa versa. She was very upset with us and I believe set us to bed without dinner. Another dish she made that I wasn't fond of was Runza Casserole. If you're from the Nebraska, you've had a Runza. She'd brown up some beef, top that with braised cabbage and then roll out crossaints on top. The only cabbage I like is sauerkraut so I'd only get a salad that night. (I am a BIG fan of Runza's cheeseburgers, though).

This week I made this Shepard's Pie recipe for my family to enjoy while I was at cookbook club. I had to disclose to my husband that I used ground turkey instead of beef because I can not pull the wool over my husband's eyes, ya know. His cholesterol is high as well as my blood pressure so we need to make some changes. Of course, this meant he wouldn't eat the left overs. I have to remember to make half a batch next time. I've been eating Shepard's pie most of the week for lunch.

So I want to know, what were your favorite dinner dishes made by your mom?

The family resemblence

It wasn't until I saw this photo that I believed that my son was starting to look like me:

I was telling someone the other day how lucky their child was because they had a tea set growing up because I never had one. Well, I guess that was a lie because I found this photo and I indeed had a tea set. The funny thing, I totally remember playing house with my younger brother Christopher and using this Humpty Dumpty tea set. I'm glad my parents took "some" photos of me. (If you ask my dad, he will tell you about how I complained as a child there were no photos of me. Just ask him if you ever meet him).

For months, everyone has been telling me how much Lil B looks like Brian. Oh he has Brian's nose. Oh he has Brian's mouth. Oh, he definitely has Brian's eye color and then I found that photo and I started believing, there is a little me in him.

You see, I look like my mom. People will see me with my dad and wonder "is that the milk man's kid?"  I do have my father's chin, after all and well, my "big bones" come from my dad's side as well. I also inherited my mom's skin too -- which always made her look younger with hardly any wrinkles.



That photo better not show up on that awkward family photo website.

It's about giving

There are a lot of things I want right now -- A brand new TV and Macbook so we can ditch cable and get content off the internet (I guess we can’t now since our tvs don’t have HDMI connections). A new digital camera and a Flip video thiny to capture life in our household. A newer car – our 12 year old Honda civic is old and not so pretty and sometimes I get embarrassed when I drive it. (In reality, it runs pretty darn good and it’s a Honda – it will run forever. I should be lucky, right?) When it comes down to it, we could get these things but in reality we don’t need them, therefore we shouldn’t buy them. Though Brian is unemployed, he is starting to finally get freelance work. I’m less worried about money but I still shouldn’t blow our savings on frivolous luxury items.

My mother didn’t teach me to want things. She taught us growing up the importance of buying only the things we need – food, clothing – the necessities of life. She taught us to never live outside of our means (which is mainly why the only debt we have is our mortgage and student loans). She learned this lesson when she divorced my dad and didn’t have a job and three mouths to feed. She got the aid to go to school and learn all about computers. So when we wanted an Atari, the answer was no. There were starving kids in China and we need to get outside and play. When I wanted Guess Jeans in junior high, she told me to save my babysitting money – there wasn’t the money to buy designer  jeans.

Christmas is coming up. We have nine nieces and nephews to buy for along with four sets of parents.  I honestly don’t know how we will do it. Two years ago, shipping alone was over $100. Last year, I just bought everyone the same gift card from Target to cut down on the cost of shipping. The kids loved it as they got to pick out their own gift or pooled it to get a Wii game. I’m having a quandary this year. I know things are tight for us but many can’t even pay their rent. Maybe I donate all that money to a non-profit so someone else can have a nice Christmas? My husband wanted some cash to buy me something. You see, he got his Christmas gift in June – a nice Breedlove guitar which satisfied his birthday, father’s day and Christmas. For our wedding anniversary, he bought me diamond earrings. I have everything I need – my family, health, food and a nice warm roof over my head. I don’t need or want anything for Christmas from him. He doesn’t quite get that.

The first Christmas my parents were divorced my mom couldn’t buy us anything but didn’t tell us that.  She said Christmas would be lean but she was worrying about keeping us feed and in private school. In this worrying, someone sent her some cash in the mail to buy us gifts. She didn’t tell us this story until years later but she never found who put that cash in the mail. I always try to remember that story when getting caught up on buying or receiving gifts at the holidays.

Barbies, oh my

I didn't think 18 month olds could get so excited by such a thing but Lil B is definately into Brobee. Brobee what you say? We'll let about.com school you ...

Known as the "little green one," Brobee is from Fall Tree Land. He is four years old (he turns four in the "Birthday" episode. Brobee is small and has a lot to learn. He tends to pout a little at times, but once DJ Lance and the gang help him figure out his problem, his frown turns upside down in a flash! Brobee is full of love and admiration for his friends.

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What that doesn't mention is Brobee is the coolest character on Yo Gabba Gabba. When I first saw Yo Gabba Gabba, I was a little weirded out -- why is this grown man dressed like an 80s DJ? And then MGMT came on and sang about art and it clicked .. this is a hip version of Sesame Street. What kinda program teaches your kid how to beat box (Thanks Biz Markie) and your art teacher is the lead singer from DEVO. So I embraced Yo Gabba Gabba.

Benjamin loves his Brobee chair and yesterday, while at TJ Maxx I could not pass up a stuffed Brobee that sang "Party in my tummy." I couldn't wait until Christmas to give it to him and when I did, he giggled and laughed and I swear I hear "Party in my tummy" 20 times the rest of the night.

When I was a little girl, I was way into Barbies at an early age. Each Christmas and birthday, I wanted a new Barbie along with a Barbie horse, a Barbie house and a Barbie car. I would even take my Barbies to my cousin's house and we'd have Barbie weddings. I'm sure this all drove my mother nuts but each year, I got a Barbie. I even had my own Barbie room. I was a lucky girl.

A visit from the tooth fairy

It’s been a rough week in our house. The toddler is teething – one canine have popped through with three more on the way. I think we’re only four teeth away from a full mouth of teeth and it can not come soon enough. It seems each night for the past week, I’ve been awoken (because Brian does not seem to hear Lil B) by crying at 1 a.m. when the ibuprofen has worn off. Lil B isn’t too sure about ibuprofen. Sometimes he takes it no problem. Other times he won’t take it so to cut the fuss time down to a minimum, I put it in a bottle and then back to bed he goes. (start the scolding now, I’m waiting). One must do what they need to survive -- this I have learned from the past 17 months of motherhood. Last night was a little different. I gave him the bottle and went back to sleep only to be awoke 15 minutes later. This could only mean one thing -- a dirty diaper.  Back to sleep he went after the diaper change. At 5:30 a.m. I woke up to screaming. I made Brian get up and then the screaming wouldn't stop so I just got up anyway. Teething is tough business and sleep is overrated.

I remember the day I lost my first tooth. It was wiggling loosely and my mom dared me to just yank it but I was scared. After a little coaxing, I yanked it out of my mouth and she explained the tooth fairy was come and leave me a surprise if I put it under my pillow. "No way! Really? A Barbie?" She explained that it probably wouldn't be a Barbie -- maybe some money. Money was nothing to me at five years old. Barbies were worth more in my book. Then my mom explained that money could get me a Barbie and then I was all game for the tooth fairy to visit. So I anxiously went to bed and tried my best to fall asleep fast so I could get up and have enough money for a Barbie.

The next morning, I checked under my pillow and there were a few bright shiny quarters under my pillow but not enough to buy a Barbie. My mom explained that I had to lose a few more teeth until I had enough to get that Barbie and of course I had no problem pulling out the loose teeth. Each tooth I lost, I seemed to get more money. I often wondered how the tooth fairy was not waking me up but since having I child I know now the "fairy" would wait until I was in a deep sleep and then slip the quarters under my pillow.

When it was all said and done, I ended up with buck teeth and had to get braces in the sixth grade. I can already tell that Lil B is gonna need braces because he has the same spacing I had as a child with his two front teeth. I wore those darn braces until I was almost in high school. My senior year, my teeth started to move so back on the braces went for six months. I have a permanent retainer on the back of my top teeth so they won't move anymore.

I know I have a few years until the "fairy" visits Lil B but I almost can't wait until he grows up. What the heck, I can't wait until he finally starts talking. But maybe I should be careful what I wish for. I don't want him growing up too fast.

It ain't Thanksgiving if you don't have turkey

I was going to make this glorious Thanksgiving feast when my friend told me she's not too into Thanksgiving food - she's gonna make tacos instead of come over. TACOS? Really? The only time I didn't eat Turkey on Thanksgiving was when we went to Disney World in 2003 and we decided to get Chinese. That took our guests from seven back down to the three of us (which means two with Lil B). I was a little relieved because that meant I could just roast a turkey the way my mom did -- turkey breast in the cockpot with salt, pepper and water for 8 hours (it falls right off the bone). Before I knew that my feast was down to three people, I had signed up at Allyson's Kitchen for a Thanksgiving Feast class so I could learn how to roast a turkey. I was dreading the class because the wind was out of my sails -- TACOS? Really? Humph.  I'm glad I went. I learned something I was always afraid to do -- debone poultry.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="269" caption="Homemade Turkey dinner"][/caption]

Did you know that if you debone a turkey, it only takes 45 mins to one hour to roast at 425 degrees? Makes sense. Our instructor deboned a turkey and then had us debone half of a turkey (with his help and a partner), season it and double wrap in foil to roast in the oven. The foil captures the juice so you could put it in the gravy (one stick of butter, 1/4 cup of flour melted on low to make a rue that resembles peanut butter, throw in your stock and a splash of brandy -- it was yummy). I've always been afraid of making my own stock but I'm certain this is the year I will do it. Homemade stock seems to be a cake walk. We also made cornbread stuffing which I have never made before -- I always watched my grandma stuff her turkey with her Polish stuff recipe. I am a convert. We will have cornbread stuff this year. We also made green bean casserole with homemade fried onions on top (yum) and pecan sweet potato pie.  Good thing I didn't eat dinner.

I'm making my feast even if it's just us. Thank you, Allyson's for inspiring me to cook awesome food.

Here is a simple cranberry sauce the chef told us to try. Mix a can of whole cranberries, a jar of orange marmalade, 1/4 cup of red wine and a dash of cinnamon. Simmer until warm. You'll never eat the canned jelly stuff again.

Enjoy!