Losing a little part of you

[caption id="attachment_928" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Grandma Marie at my wedding"][/caption]

I've been noticeably absent from my other blog and this one. Two weeks ago, my grandma took a nasty spill down the stairs and ended up in the ICU. After talking to my aunt and some coaxing from my dad (this is not his mother, it's my mom's mother), I took an unexpected trip to Nebraska. I'm now glad I did end up making that trip as she passed away the day after I got to Omaha. Losing my grandma has been really hard and though she told us to never cry ... she lived a long 86 year life with her 5 children, 13 grandchildren and 16 great-grandchildren ... I find myself each day grieving and hurting. It happened so fast I guess maybe I'm in shock.

My grandma was like my second mom. I always looked up to her as her priority was her family. She didn't care about material things as they didn't make her happy. When my parents divorced, my mom went back to work and my grandma and grandpa took care of me during my kindergarten year, in the summers or if I was sick. When my mom died, she took it hard and she never got over it but she continued to be there for my brothers and I.

I thought about spending the month of November telling stories like I did about my mother but I'm not ready yet. Each night, I'm exhausted and just don't have the energy. I know with losing my mom, that it will get better but for now, I just need a little space. I know you'll understand.

You know fall is on the way when ...

You are saying hi to the goats and picking up some fall bounty in Hood River.

Ocean

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="240" caption="Brian and Lil B walking the beach"][/caption]

I was 22 years old before I laid eyes on my first ocean. It was spring break and my friends and I went to LA to visit my friend's sister. After my mom died, I felt I just needed to travel. When I discovered Oregon in 2000, I felt at home when visiting my friend. I enjoyed the fresh mountain air and the cool crisp feeling of a high desert evening. My family thought I was nuts when I moved four years later.

Since my mom died, I have laid my eyes on the Atlantic Ocean, Gulf of Mexico, Caribbean and of course the Pacific Ocean. I always think of her. I don't remember her ever visiting the ocean on business trips. Maybe she did and I just don't remember?

Recently, my family took a trip to the Oregon Coast and pitched in on a beach house with another family that has a child a similar age as Lil B.  It's a family we don't see often as they live in another city but they are dear friends and we always seem to pick right up where we left off.

As we walked along the beach, I said to my friend Shawn how lucky Lil B is to grow up near the beach. This astonished her as she, along with her husband and mine, grew up in Oregon. She was also astonished to hear I didn't see the ocean until I was 22 years old.

Our vacation was only 4 days (my husband still doesn't have much vacation time from his new job) but we vowed to do a whole week next year. Lil B does great in the car until the last 30 mins before we arrived in Bend and his DVD player died. How the hell did I ever live without a DVD player before road trips?

This trip, we did a lot of morning beach combing (something new to me) and sand castle making and tearing down:


Other highlights included our stop at Eola Hills Winery on the way over, the Oregon Coast Aquarium and cone licking in Depoe Bay and kite flying! I can't wait until next summer!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="footprints in the sand"][/caption]

A day at the fair

"What? You have never been to a county or state fair? You're from Nebraska!"

Yes, that is true, until Saturday, I have never been to a county or state fair. I have been to a carnival (SeptemberFest) and amusement parks (Peony Park, Adventure Land, Worlds of Fun). I have seen livestock shown by 4-H kids (River City Round-up which come to find out IS NOW the Douglas County Fair -- they merged a few years ago to now for River City Rodeo). So, when the Deschutes County Fair rolled in last week, my husband decided it was time to introduce Benjamin to a tradition of his childhood.

(now, on a side note, I have NEVER been to a rodeo either which is shocking considering my dad was a bare back rider in the 70s and has an expansive belt buckle collection. He stopped his rodeoin' before I was born. I see a trip to the Sister's Rodeo in my future next summer).

First off, holy hell -- parking was a nightmare in Redmond! Finally after 10 mins in traffic, we found a spot not too far from the entrance.  The toddler was in amazement at all the people and was clingy to his stroller which is funny because earlier that day he was practically the only boy at a toddler birthday party and showed those girls how to party (by running all over the place and not minding). Our first stop ... to see livestock.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="Sheep at the fair"][/caption]

We stopped by the goats and sheep. Lil B was repeating "bah" over and over and over. It was funny the first twenty times but enough was enough after the 100th time. I guess I should be glad he's finally talking.

His favorite were the pigs especially when the pigs were up milling around and snorting. He was giggling away at those pigs and was in love with the piglets.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="Priceless pig face"][/caption]

We were all hungry and armed with $30 we had a brat, corn dog, pulled pork plate and two ice cream cones for dinner.  Fair food rocks. I was sorta wishing I had enough money and stomach room for a funnel cake but both didn't pan out.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="Lil B's first ice cream cone"][/caption]

It was almost toddler bed time we walked out to our Jeep to find it was blocked in on all four sides.  There was no way we could leave. The Redmond Police and fair folks had no idea what to do. Luckily, one of the cars blocking us was a Jeep with the top down.  They ended up jumping in it and moving it so we could move our Jeep. I feared we were going to have to call for a ride or take a cab home.

I'm looking forward to going to the fair when Lil B's bigger so he can enjoy the rides and I can mortgage my house to pay for him to go on those rides.

New year. New goals.

It's a new year. I think I've gained 10 lbs in the past week with all the out of control eating. I ate my final linzer cookie until next Christmas season. I've had an alcoholic beverage everyday since Christmas and I have not exercised. My husband and I were talking about goals last night for 2010. He is working on his freelance business since jobs are scarce at the moment. I NEED to cut down the salt to 2300 mg. Everyone keeps telling me, use Mrs. Dash. The salt shaker is not my problem -- I just need to eat less processed foods and more fruits, veggies, dairy and lean proteins.  Along with cutting down on the sodium, I am also going to train for a triathlon in an attempt to do one in July. If I can run 3 miles, I am pretty sure by July I can do a triathlon. I'm calling it the tryathlon challenge. GULP. Wish me luck.

As a family, we need to be better about a few things with Lil B. Brushing teeth, reading, getting him with some play friends.  The other thing is we need to start going to church. We keep talking about it but we're not doing it. We'll be exploring that avenue in the next couple of months.

So, in a nutshell, that's some of the goals for 2010. I'll check back and let you know how they're going.

Hooray for stay-at-home dads

[caption id="attachment_24" align="alignright" width="180" caption="Having a hands on dad is pretty cool"][/caption]

Last Friday, I met my husband and son in downtown Bend for lunch. I walked into the burger joint in a rush, texting on my Blackberry with a million things on my mind. I sat down, took a deep breath and enjoyed the fact I was not in the office and enjoying some time away with my toddler, who's learning more and more everyday and having lunch with my husband.

My husband is currently laid off. He'd love to be working for someone right now, but he's moonlighting as a multi-talented marketing professional. He dabbles in marketing strategy,  designs ads, logos and websites, dabbles in videography and is a whiz at social media. Anyone would be lucky to have his talents on their team but alas, there are no jobs currently open in Bend. With that, we're making do.

I won't lie, living on one income really isn't ideally how we'd like to be living and it has tested our marriage but the silver lining is my husband is spending a lot of time being a dad. He knows when Benjamin needs to go down for a nap. He has him on a schedule and he takes him everywhere in his Kelty Kids Backpack. I'm counting my lucky stars Lil B has the best hands on dad in the world.

As we ate our lunch, the waitress came by to bus our table. "Ma'am, you're so lucky to have such a hands on husband. In my day, husbands just went to work and came home and expected dinner."

I'm grateful for everything you do, Brian. You're the best dad, husband a wife could ask for.

Thankful

I am thankful for a lot of things lately. One is my husband and I have good jobs and good health. My husband told me not to brag but I told him that expressing being thankful for the good we had in our life wasn't bragging - I am truly grateful.

That being said, I was sad to read about Jason Frieboth and what his family is going through. I used to work in the same office building as his wife Candy. She is always positive and upbeat and has two wonderful little boys. When I saw her at Costco a few weeks ago, she didn't want to talk about Jason, she wanted to hear about Ben. That's just how Candy is in real life. Below is how you can help the Frieboth family. Thanks to Missy and other bloggers for posting this. Any little bit helps and adds up.

Mark your calendar! There's a pasta dinner for a good cause this Sunday, November 16, at Aspen Hall (in Shevlin Park) from 4 until 8 pm. Tickets for a family of four are $15, kids are $4 each, and adults are $8 each - you can get tickets from the Bend Metro Parks and Recreation District. Their office is located at 200 NW Pacific Park Lane, Bend, OR 97701, and their phone number is (541) 389-7275. Tickets can also be purchased on-site at Aspen Hall if you just want to show up and pay.

All proceeds from this event will go to an account set up to help Jason Frieboth, who is fighting cancer and has to travel to Portland for treatment, and his family during this tough time. This type of treatment is very hard on a family - unless you've got a huge amount of vacation and sick leave available, or good disability insurance, paychecks can disappear - and Jason's wife Candy will be traveling with him when he gets treatments. The Frieboth family is lucky, because both sets of grandparents are able to watch the children when Jason is in treatment, but it still is not easy.

If you can't make it to Aspen Hall this Sunday, there are other ways to help the Frieboth family:

- Thursday, November 20th will be Jason Freiboth Day at Tony's Deli. A percentage of all sales that day will be donated to the Freiboth Family. Tony's Deli is located at 320 SW Century Drive, Suite 410. Their hours are 10:30 am to 6:30 pm. Stop by or call (647-1653) to get lunch or dinner. They offer a variety of hot entrees, wraps, grinders, sandwiches, salads and soups. They also have "Take 'n Bake" and catering platters. Enjoy some good food and support Jason at the same time!

- Make a donation in the Freiboths' name to Bend Take-Out. Their phone number is 382-8844. You can call them between 10:30am – 2:00pm or 4:30 – 9:00pm and tell them you want to make a contribution to the Jason Freiboth account. They take Visa, Mastercard, American Express, and Discover. You can also send a check. This allows the family to order food that they enjoy, in quantities that are right for them, and get it when they need it.

- Make a donation directly to the Freiboth account at US Bank. A special account has been set up so that Candy can access it to help with the many bills they are dealing with around Jason’s treatment and keeping the family going.

Jason and Candy will be leaving on Sunday for Portland for his first round of treatments. Keep them in your thoughts. Also, a blog has been started so those interested can keep track of progress: http://jfreiboth.blogspot.com/

I think the Bend Take Out account is a really good idea. In fact, I'm gonna call them up tomorrow and make a donation.

Proof that I think Ben looks like me

Here is a photo of Ben at 4 months:


My brother Casey at 4 months


Me at 4 months


Can you see the resemblance?

Grandpa and Ben

Grandpa and Ben
Originally uploaded by Shanlee

My dad came to visit this week and I wasn't sure what to suspect. What I was most excited about was someone on my side of the family meeting Ben. When my dad walked into the RDM airport, there I was waiting with Ben wearing the Prudoe Bay t-shirt my dad sent from where he works. I held back tears and so did my dad. Ben, of course, was all smiles.

Having my dad visit made me realize that Ben does look more and more like me than I realize. I can't see it when I look at him but in pictures, I totally see it. Poor kid!

We had a good visit from my dad. We did alot of eating, shopping and just general chatting. My dad had to bring up the fact that all I would complain about was how there were no baby photos of me because I AM the middle child.

Today my dad was playing with Ben and it reminded me of when I was little. It brought a tear to my eye.

Night out!

For my husband's birthday he wanted to see Dark Knight which meant we had to dive in and find a sitter. Not always wanting to call on my sister in law, I called on my friend's responsible daughter to watch Ben. She has been babysitting a little girl since she was 3 months old so I decided to give it a whirl.

I was more nervous for her because Ben is a little unpredictable these days and instead of an evening movie we went early so I wouldn't have to subject her to putting him asleep. I was more afraid I'd come home and she'd say "YOU HAVE A DEMON CHILD AND I WILL NEVER BABYSIT AGAIN." Of course, none of this happened and even though I had a meltdown when I saw my cell phone ran out of battery, we all survived. I plan on calling her again soon as when I walked in the door, she was showing Ben The Dude aka Mr. Monkey and he was smiling.

Ben's sleep is not going the greatest at night. I'm looking forward to when he can fall asleep on his own or I figure out when he's calm enough to leave him in the crib and he won't have a complete meltdown and just go to sleep. I think I'm going to start trying it out with naps. The key -- learning his sleep cues.

Officially cleared

I went to my OB yesterday for my post check up. I was supposed to get the MMR shot since mine is out of date but she forgot about it. Oh well, guess I better do that soon. I have lost all but 12 pounds from being pregnant which leads both of us to believe that I was carrying alot of water because I gained 52 lbs. My blood pressure is still elevated so I need to start some sort of exercising and now I'm wondering when I can do that since having an infant is a 24/7 job. I guess I'll figure it out. Brian and I start the South Beach Diet (phase 2 -- phase 1 is too harsh on my body since I'm breast feeding) when my in-laws leave. I'm looking forward to eating more healthy.

I'm cleared to be a normal human being again. I love it how they ask "what form of birth control will you be using." Frankly, sex is the furthest thing from my mind. As me when Ben is sleeping longer at night. So many options are out since I'm breastfeeding.

I also got to cook today. I made chicken salad and French toast strada for breakfast tomorrow. My father-in-law is helping my husband install our fence so I need to make them something for breakfast. I'm finding that I can get a lot done during nap time if I have gotten more than 5 hours of sleep the night before. It's amazing that I can function on 5 hours of sleep. Amazing.

Well, happy 4th! Ben is 6 weeks old today! He is so big -- I can't believe how fast it has gone!

ps... We found a new daycare provider ... she's is awesome and Ben is one of 4 kids! He even has his own room to sleep in when he's there. I'm so thankful the other lady fell through!

Connecting anyway we can

My 9 year old niece lives in the Midwest. I only get to see her once a year, maybe. She is at the point where she reads and writes and wants a myspace page. Good thing my brother and sister-in-law are smart enough to not let her get a myspace page. She does play on the computer though and when I was visiting, I showed her meez.com where you go and make little animated dolls that look like you or whatever you want it to look like. I gave her my account info so every couple of days I can go in and she can go in and update the little doll. We spent hours changing the little girl around while I was visiting. Every couple of days I get little surprises like this one:


That's the one she made me for Thanksgiving. It made me cry because I really miss my family around the holidays and esp since they aren't around to witness all the changes around me.

Then I started thinking ... maybe I should do some YouTube.com movies or start posting photos (as much as I hate the way I look in photos). That way my family could not only read but see what's going on.

Fun, huh?