Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Ms. Flake

A few years ago, I used give my friend Shawn a ton of crap for “using her baby as an excuse to flake.” She knew I was kidding just a little. To make matters more complicated, Shawn’s husband was relocated and they moved to Salem.  I’ve missed seeing Shawn (and even Sarah, now a toddler) so much lately. I am feeling horrible for even thinking/saying she used her baby as an excuse. Why? Oh, because I now know what she was going through because I’m now a master flaker – the flakiest roll in the bunch. My son and family are a priority.

Last minute plans, forget about it. Bring my kid to a 7 p.m. event? He goes to bed at 7 p.m. (and he totally is a fuss bucket from 5-7 p.m. I don’t’ want ppl to think I have an unruly child) Happy hour? I have to pick my son up at daycare each day since my husband is now working (which is a good thing) – oh and I can’t bring a kid to a bar!  I’m a maybe for everything.  Sorry folks, this is my life now.

I recently read a blog post that I completely felt could have been written by me and totally hit home.

As much as I love my son (and I wouldn’t change a thing, I love him so much), it is hard to not feel left out. I’m about quit twitter and Facebook for this reason.  My day consists of getting up, going to the gym, getting ready for work, dropping kid at daycare, work, picking kid up from daycare, home, dinner, get kid ready for before, crash. By 8 p.m., I’m fast asleep.  The weekends are spent cleaning, shopping.

Bottomline, the lack of girl time is getting me down. I’m lonely. I feel so uncool (I thought this stopped in high school). I miss going on weekends away. I miss shopping. And I really miss my friend Shawn.

You know what made up for all this feeling down and flakey crap? Walking into daycare yesterday to a little boy who smiled, held his arms up and said “Hi Momma.”

Then I started thinking, want to judge me for being a flake, go ahead. I’d rather be known as an awesome mother who is always there for their kid because that is where my life is right now. I'll save my magazine reading to naptime. I'll take my son to new restaurants with my husband (of course, at 5 p.m.). I'll get a sitter now and then. Sleep is overrated! I can sleep when I'm dead.

Right now, my family is all that matters. (So I'm going to stop feeling left out and just enjoy it because someday, that toddler will be grown-up and well, then I will have time to NOT be a flake).

[caption id="attachment_723" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Ben's bath beard"]Ben's bath beard[/caption]


wendy said...

I always thought it would change as my kids got older, but now? I understand Ben, because my cranky time is from 5pm to 7pm too, especially if I'm not in my pajamas by then.

Nanette said...

I hear ya, mama. I get nostalgic about my girls-only time and date nights, which I definitely need to make more of a priority. But I'm also already nostalgic about the ages my sweet girl has already passed. I'm so thankful for the time I've already spent with her, and I look forward to watching her continued growth. Like you, I'd rather be an awesome mother and a slightly flaky friend.

Shawn said...

You have no idea how beautifully and truthfully written this is. I feel the same loneliness for my friends, girl time, party time, whatever. I love Sarah and I know I have become a commitment phobe because I guard her sleep time with vigor, while at the same time the cost of not doing so is even higher than missing out! I love you Shannon...because your depth and breadth of understanding and ability to communicate truth is liberating and I am grateful. Just so you know, I will never consider you a flake, rather an exceptional and well prioritized, healthy mother and wife. Be proud.

Ells said...

Well written defense of mamas.

While I try my hardest to be sympathetic (I'm a single gal about half of whose friends are mamas) I have friends who make time for me as a friend, and I have friends who act like they can't. I know everyone has a different situation, but I do think it's important to remember that some day your kid will be older and won't want you around all the time. It'll make a difference to the friends you have left if you took the time to make a phone call every once in awhile, or even invite them over to dinner. I find people who make the transition from "me" to "me and my family" make it happiest when they integrate their worlds.

But in the end, if you're making an effort, it's sure to be noticed. And if it's not? Forget those bitches!

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