Letting go

I am going to admit -- I wasn't going to breastfeed. I was a little weirded out by the whole thing and no one in my family really had done it or talk about it. It seemed taboo to me. Then my friends started having kids and they breast fed their kids. I starting reading up on it and since it's the best thing for the baby, why the heck would I not breastfeed? So, I gave myself a time limit -- my goal was I'd breastfeed until I went back to work. I've surpassed that goal and my new goal is six months.

Somewhere around 4 months, your milk supply naturally dips. I can only pump 12 oz at work and our daycare provider figured out that Lil B really needs around 15 oz to get him through the day so she started supplementing with one 4 ounce bottle a day. I have meet this choice with criticism from some. I feel in my heart OK with this decision. I have about 8 cans of formula samples so I haven't had to buy anything yet. Ben's weight is on the small side and if he's hungry and really needs the extra 4 oz I'm not producing then so be it.

Ben has started eating 2 tablespoons of rice cereal a day. One feeding before we head to daycare and the other after he eats when he gets home from daycare. We have started to notice he sleeps longer at night with rice cereal in his tummy. Then last week I went out and Brian put Ben to bed. Brian quite enjoyed feeding him and putting him to bed so then we started a habit of Brian bottle feeding him.

I have started to feel sad about dropping this one feeding but on the flipside, Brian can't breastfeed and he really feels connected to Benjamin during the bedtime routine now. Our compromise, we're going to switch off feeding the baby each night. That way, I don't feel so sad and Brian gets to connect to him.

I can already tell letting go of breastfeeding is going to be hard for me. I never knew I'd enjoy it this much.

Look at our Lil Jumper

Jumper video
Originally uploaded by Shanlee

Benjamin got his jumper today .... watch him testing it out!

Oh the things we will see!

Pumpkin Patch 2008
Originally uploaded by Shanlee

Yesterday we took Ben to the pumpkin patch in Terrebonne to see what it was about. We also took our dog Charlie who has been neglected due to the baby. We were going to walk the corn maze but we opted to get a funnel cake, caramel apple and steamed corn on the cob.

The pumpkin patch was more fun for us, I guess. I know that in a year things will change and I can hardly wait to see how this kid turns out. But I must remember to enjoy this stage cuz before I know it, he will be off to college!

In the Bulletin

photo courtesy of Pete and The Bulletin


Today, Ben and I were in the Bulletin. It was a really really good article and I had so many ppl at work complimenting me and giving me pats on the back. At first, when I admitted I was having a hard time, I felt weak but it made me stronger, voicing my opinion. My husband is correct in thinking that I thought that I wasn't doing a good job at anything -- being a mom, work, my marriage, my home and friends. Knowing that I have support in all facets of my life keeps me going.

Thanks to everyone for your support! My co-workers! The Bloggers! The Tweets! And my family.

I don't talk about my mom much and honestly, I guess I have been so wrapped up in Lil B that sometimes I think he occupies my world when I'm not at work but I know my mom is proud of me and she's there every step of the way in spirit.

Clumps o hair

My full, luxurious pregnancy hair is now dull, flat and falling out in clumps. I'm thinking it's time for a new do. That's what I'm thinking about at 3 a.m. as I wait for Lil B to fall back to sleep.

Talking Ben

This is how our little guy communicates with us

Bedtime!

Brian reading to Ben
Originally uploaded by Shanlee

So, we started doing the Ferber Method to teach Benjamin how to sleep and lo and behold, it worked! Tonight there was no crying! Last night just 10 mins. We have started a consistent bedtime routine including a massage, putting on pjs and sleep sack (shown here), book reading and then nursing. Ben is usually awake when we put him in the crib and tonight, it was like her knew what to do. The last two nights he's slept 7-8 hours straight. We think he's sleeping longer because he's eating rice cereal at 6 p.m. Some say it's a myth, other says it helps him sleep longer. Either way, something is working because I was well rested today.

I will say, this method is tough at first. Brian had a harder time than I probably because I been doing the research and he's been going along with it. We argued a lot that first night but as the past few days have gone on, he has warmed up to the idea and is a believer.

Now Ben is sleeping in the crib. We have a rain sound machine. When he wakes up, I feed him and he falls asleep until about 5 a.m. Then I bring him into bed and we snuggle. I will definitely miss it when he totally sleeps through the night.

Hoping by posting this, I'm not jinxing myself!

What Benjamin is getting for Christmas!

I saw this on TV and I want it for Benjamin so I decided this is what he's getting from us for Christmas.

Other ideas I've thought about are a red flyer wagon (maybe for his birthday, I'm thinking). I think the wagon will come in handy for all the Bend events Ben will be going to next year!

Can I pay someone to Ferberize my baby?

Well, we let Ben cry it out last night. We did his normal routine .. bath, lotion, getting dressed, sleep sack, book, nurse and he went down for a whole 10 mins before waking up. The crying began and Brian and I took turns going in and checking. After 45 mins, he was sound asleep at 7:30 p.m. We both thought "that was way too easy." Then he woke up at 10:30 p.m. He usually wakes at this time but wouldn't nurse so Brian fed him a bottle. He went down in the crib and cried for 10 mins. When I checked on him, he was sucking his thumb, fast asleep. He awoke again at 3 a.m. Again, this is normal so I tried to feed him and he wouldn't nurse. That was very frustrating for me but Brian told me to keep trying. Finally, he calmed down and ate and was back to sleep until 5:30 a.m. where I brought him into bed and cuddled with him. Since I don't get to see him during the day, I like cuddling with him before I get ready for work but I know someday we'll have to break this habit.

It will be interesting to see how tonight goes. Wish us luck.

It's getting better, really

Now that I'm about six weeks back to work, I feel I have to give an update on being a working mom. I was feeling alot of pressure -- be a good employee, a mom, wife, friend. I'm feeling less anxious about everything. Lately, I haven't been getting the greatest sleep at night but overall, I come home and just not worry about things anymore. I focus on Ben. Now, I'm not cooking dinner or cleaning or going to the gym because I'm pooped but I guess I decided that Ben is the focus and I need to leave work at work. I do check my blackberry for emails and might answer a few but Ben is the focus after 5 p.m.

Some day my house will get clean and I'll be back to gourmet dinners but now it's listening to Ben coo and shriek and smile and giggle.

Guess I'm not an ice queen

After countless nights of not getting any sleep, we decided to let Ben cry it out tonight. I thought "I'll have no problem just letting him cry in his crib. I can handle it." I remember the pediatrician saying that after about 5 mins, we'll start to doubt our self and just keep on checking in every so often. Well, the whole crying it out lasted a whole 30 mins and I rescued the kiddo and snuggled in bed with him where he instantly falls asleep. I guess I can endure a few more nights of him sleeping next to me until this Friday when we will try again.

I guess I'm not an ice queen after all. Too bad you can't pay someone to Ferberize you kid.

Proof that I think Ben looks like me

Here is a photo of Ben at 4 months:


My brother Casey at 4 months


Me at 4 months


Can you see the resemblance?

Grandpa and Ben

Grandpa and Ben
Originally uploaded by Shanlee

My dad came to visit this week and I wasn't sure what to suspect. What I was most excited about was someone on my side of the family meeting Ben. When my dad walked into the RDM airport, there I was waiting with Ben wearing the Prudoe Bay t-shirt my dad sent from where he works. I held back tears and so did my dad. Ben, of course, was all smiles.

Having my dad visit made me realize that Ben does look more and more like me than I realize. I can't see it when I look at him but in pictures, I totally see it. Poor kid!

We had a good visit from my dad. We did alot of eating, shopping and just general chatting. My dad had to bring up the fact that all I would complain about was how there were no baby photos of me because I AM the middle child.

Today my dad was playing with Ben and it reminded me of when I was little. It brought a tear to my eye.

Traveling with baby

Now that the cat is out of the bag (meaning Ben's AZ grandma has found out we're visiting) I can talk about gearing up for air travel with Ben at the end of October. This scares the crap out of me and it's only a short 2.5 hour flight. We're lucky that my SIL has a child one year older than Ben so we'll be borrowing items like a car seat and pack n play. My anxiety is more of breaking his routine which we're trying to set right now.

At our well baby check up today we talked about our concerns. I think his eyes are funny but I'm the only one he thinks this (including the day care provider) but instead of dismissing it, our pediatrician is going to calm my fears and have it looked at by a local ophthalmologist. Ben's lopsided head is better and he now weighs 12.5 lbs. I swear he should be bigger but everyone says it's normal. We talked about starting rice cereal soon (I think we'll do this in two weeks) and crying it out (which we won't do for a few more weeks). He is consistently averaging in the 10th percentile so he's a little small. Our pediatrician commented on how Ben is really strong so I'm really going to focus on putting Ben more on his tummy while at home.

The lack of sleep is getting to me. My husband has decided to start feeding Ben around 11 p.m. at night to see if he'll sleep longer and not wake us up. We've debated about supplementing with formula but only until we have to. I just feel guilty about work and being a mom. I feel I'm not doing the greatest job at both so after expressing this, he wants to step in and help. Thanks, Brian!

4 months

Dear Benjamin,
Today you are four months old. I can hardly believe it (I think I say that every month). So much has happened in the past month, I don't know where to begin.

For starters, you're rolling. We put you in the crib on your back and when we check on you, you're on your tummy the opposite end of the crib. You're giggling too! You'll just be looking at my face and then you start giggling. You love to mimic what ever we're doing. If we talk to you, you try to talk. If I blow raspberries, you blow raspberries. If I curl my lip, you try! It's amazing.

You have also discovered your hands though I wish you'd use this to help yourself fall asleep. We often tell ppl you're eating your hand sandwich. You think your thumb tastes pretty good too. You're also grasping and holding stuff too!

Sleeping has been a challenge. I think we're going to have to cry it out but once you're asleep in the swing, you're down for a while esp if you have your fuzzy blue blanket. You're waking up two times a night which is better than three I guess. Often when you wake up, we hear you chattering over the baby monitor and then you fall back asleep. You're a smart guy so I know you'll have this thing called sleep mastered pretty soon.

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is take a nap with you. You have no problem falling asleep when you're next to me, btw.

We look forward to what the next month brings (hopefully more sleeping in the crib).

Love,
Momma