In the Bulletin

photo courtesy of Pete and The Bulletin


Today, Ben and I were in the Bulletin. It was a really really good article and I had so many ppl at work complimenting me and giving me pats on the back. At first, when I admitted I was having a hard time, I felt weak but it made me stronger, voicing my opinion. My husband is correct in thinking that I thought that I wasn't doing a good job at anything -- being a mom, work, my marriage, my home and friends. Knowing that I have support in all facets of my life keeps me going.

Thanks to everyone for your support! My co-workers! The Bloggers! The Tweets! And my family.

I don't talk about my mom much and honestly, I guess I have been so wrapped up in Lil B that sometimes I think he occupies my world when I'm not at work but I know my mom is proud of me and she's there every step of the way in spirit.

It's getting better, really

Now that I'm about six weeks back to work, I feel I have to give an update on being a working mom. I was feeling alot of pressure -- be a good employee, a mom, wife, friend. I'm feeling less anxious about everything. Lately, I haven't been getting the greatest sleep at night but overall, I come home and just not worry about things anymore. I focus on Ben. Now, I'm not cooking dinner or cleaning or going to the gym because I'm pooped but I guess I decided that Ben is the focus and I need to leave work at work. I do check my blackberry for emails and might answer a few but Ben is the focus after 5 p.m.

Some day my house will get clean and I'll be back to gourmet dinners but now it's listening to Ben coo and shriek and smile and giggle.

Traveling with baby

Now that the cat is out of the bag (meaning Ben's AZ grandma has found out we're visiting) I can talk about gearing up for air travel with Ben at the end of October. This scares the crap out of me and it's only a short 2.5 hour flight. We're lucky that my SIL has a child one year older than Ben so we'll be borrowing items like a car seat and pack n play. My anxiety is more of breaking his routine which we're trying to set right now.

At our well baby check up today we talked about our concerns. I think his eyes are funny but I'm the only one he thinks this (including the day care provider) but instead of dismissing it, our pediatrician is going to calm my fears and have it looked at by a local ophthalmologist. Ben's lopsided head is better and he now weighs 12.5 lbs. I swear he should be bigger but everyone says it's normal. We talked about starting rice cereal soon (I think we'll do this in two weeks) and crying it out (which we won't do for a few more weeks). He is consistently averaging in the 10th percentile so he's a little small. Our pediatrician commented on how Ben is really strong so I'm really going to focus on putting Ben more on his tummy while at home.

The lack of sleep is getting to me. My husband has decided to start feeding Ben around 11 p.m. at night to see if he'll sleep longer and not wake us up. We've debated about supplementing with formula but only until we have to. I just feel guilty about work and being a mom. I feel I'm not doing the greatest job at both so after expressing this, he wants to step in and help. Thanks, Brian!

What they don't tell you

By they, I am referring to your family and friend. What I'm referring to? How it's hard to be a working mother. This is now my fourth week back to work and though it has gotten easier to get out of the house without spit up and all the things baby and I need, the emotions of surviving on a little sleep and being productive has been a challenge. What is gone? My enthusiasm. It has nothing to do with my new co-workers, the company I work for or anyone I work with. My enthusiasm is gone because of the pressure I feel under each day (and being deprived of sleep too). The pressure of doing an awesome job at work and being creative and then coming home and taking care of Ben, the laundry, dinner and day to day stuff. My poor dog needs to be groomed. My house is filthy. I don't think the mail has been picked up since Saturday. Oh and being a good wife too. The pressure is getting to me and sometimes I have no idea how to handle it except cry.

One would think since my baby goes to bed at 7:30 p.m., I'd get plenty done but I'm so tired by then, I usually crash.

I know it will get better and I just have to stay positive.

Time flies

I can't believe it's already Thursday? Can you believe it? The week has flown by and my little boy is getting cuter and cuter and changing. He can roll over (though I have yet to see this feat -- I've just been told) and today I caught him looking at his hands in amazement. I'm counting down the hours until the weekend because we will have three days off!

Going back to work is KILLING me. I didn't think it would be this bad. Work is OK but missing my baby -- it's bad. The thing that makes it bad is Ben is officially falling asleep at 6:30 p.m. This is good and bad, I guess. Good because I have me time. Bad because I find myself staring at him to wake up.

My dad is visiting at the end of September. He is giving me a day at the spa (well, not just me but his wife and himself too). I'm so excited for him to meet Ben too.

I have tips and products to update so keep checking!

Back to work

My first day back on Monday was hard. Mainly because Ben decided he didn't want to go to sleep the night before until midnight. If that wasn't bad, he did a repeat of that on Monday. Luckily, he went to sleep last night at 10 p.m. I won't jinx tonight so I'm not going to mention it.

Going back was hard. I had four hours of sleep and first thing had a staff meeting to attend. I will say, it is nice having co-workers as my two person marketing department is now four ppl.

Pumping is going good. I seem to be producing enough and our nursing room is a nice calm place to escape and milk away. There are two of us using the room and next week there will be another returning to work.

This is the first moment I've had to myself since returning home from work at 5:30 p.m. I wasn't quite thinking I'd be spending all evening getting a kid to sleep but until he's sleep trained, that how it goes, I guess.

Tip for expectant mothers #1

If you're heading back to work and need a pump, check with your health insurance provider as they might pay for a hospital grade breast pump (as mine did). Be sure your OB/GYN codes the prescription correctly so you won't be billed either.

My new Medela pump is awesome! It's working like a charm. I've also starting taking more Fenugreek and have been eating oatmeal once a day as well.

I'm nervous for tomorrow as my day starts with a 2 hour staff meeting. Ran into the CEO of our company at breakfast and he's happy I'm coming back. That made me feel really good!

Fit Sunday

As I posted the other day, I need to do something about my weight because I just don't feel good about myself so I plan on each Sunday letting you know how my progress is going. Since going back to work is already a huge change and since when you start to try to change your lifestyle, you shouldn't do too many things at once -- tomorrow I'm going to start to eat healthy since I will have a little more control. I've packed my food for the day -- oatmeal to help stimulate my milk, a bag of sliced apples, a Lean Cuisine and some carrots and hummas.

I promise I'll check back in next Sunday and let you know how I'm doing!

Last day of maternity leave

I knew this day would come faster than I would imagine but I'm going back to work on Monday. I'm going back to staffing and role changes which is a good thing. I'm exited to be back to work and as I was putting my new office together yesterday, everyone was happy to see me back which was comforting.

Benjamin is asleep but we have errands to run. I found out my insurance will pay for a hospital grade pump so I'm going to pick on up.

I can't believe my little guy was born 12 weeks today. Before you know it, he'll be off to kindergarten.

Benjamin has started sleeping 6 hours straight! Just in time for me to go back to work.

Tricks about expressing milk?

Does anyone have any tips on getting your milk to "let down" when you pumped when you went back to work full time? I'm pumping three times a day when Ben is at daycare and I'm hardly getting anything. My best pumping time ... 3 am after he's slept a long stretch. I'm about to call the doctor to get a prescription of nasal oxytocin but am seeking advice! Let me know!

Rock n roll all night ..

Party everyday!
Originally uploaded by Shanlee

... party everyday. Well, he didn't rock n roll last night -- more like for once he got a good night sleep! Let's hope this trend continues though I'm still unsure of when he wants to go to bed. Some days it's 6:30 or 7:30 or 8:30. Last night, it was 8:30.

Every Tuesday, Ben and I go to Mom's Morning at Birthing and Beyond. It's the one activity I'll leave the house for even if I'm sleep deprived or Ben is sleeping. It's a group of new moms lead by Bend's baby guru-- Anne Carlson. Anne always has the answers it seems which is why I never want to miss and will totally miss the group when I go back to work in a few weeks. I often start my sentences to my husband "So Anne was saying today that ..." Along with Anne, there are ladies and babes in arms asking the same things you've been thinking about. Today she made me feel alot better about his lopsided head. I can't seem to get him to sleep on the other side. She said her usual "well, that's normal" and "you have nothing to worry about." If you're pregnant right now and are a new mom in Central Oregon -- please make sure you don't miss Mom's Mornings!

Breastfeeding and working

I'm less than a month from going back to work and well, I'm not looking forward to it. It's not because I don't like my job -- in fact, I love my job. I'm going back to a new manager and new staff and less work meaning I can concentrate more on projects instead of trying to do everything. It's all I've wanted for the past year is to concentrate on doing a better job.

Why am I not looking forward to it? Well, why do you think? I love my kid. I will miss him. I don't want to miss out on his life and things he discovers. I cried when he went to bed at 7 p.m. the other night because the reality is that his bedtime is more and more looking like 7 p.m. He is smiling more and more. He knows me when I go in to feed him at night. He will be crying over the monitor and when he sees me, he is quiet and smiles. I like to think he's thinking "yea, you can hear me!"

I was talking to the daycare provider about his sleep schedule and eating. As much as I would like to run over and feed him, it's not going to happen and I'm afraid he will start to wean himself off breastfeeding as it's happened to friends of mine. That would be really sad. I know 3 a.m. feedings sound like a pain but generally after I shake off the sleep, I enjoy our cuddly time.

So, I'm going to use the power of positive thoughts. I hope he can handle the bottle and the boob until he's at least 6 months old.

The Baby Whisperer

I was just looking and I have three books on how to get your baby to sleep. I'm a little obsessed with sleep, if you ask my husband. My most recent read is The Baby Whisperer.

One of the things the book says is to start your nightly routine as soon as the baby starts yawning. Tonight, Ben started yawning at 6 p.m. Wow, that's early. When I go back to work, I'll just be coming home meaning I won't get to see him much which makes me really sad. So sad, I cried. Ben started yawning and by the third, the bath was ready and daddy got him all clean. Then I turned on the lullabies and nursed him. He went right to sleep. So I checked on him 10 mins later, he was wide awake but calm. The book says leave them if they are crying and so I did. After 10 mins, I went back in and BINGO, he was asleep. Does this mean he fell asleep on his own? I'm unsure -- there was no jiggling involved or rocking but we swaddled him. Does that count on him falling asleep? Maybe this is a fluke.

Yes, I am sad my kid is asleep at 7 p.m. I won't see him that much and man, that sucks. I go back to work in 4 weeks and that means not much time with my child. Oy!

Things I learn at Mom's Mornings...

I love Mom's Mornings as I get to bond with other mothers. Ben is still the youngest but we had new babies today. I am going to try to continue Mom's Mornings when work starts and take an extended lunch so Ben can see his friends.

Anyway, back to what I learned. You can file this under "TMI" but did you know that coconut oil is a good natural substitute for KY Jelly (which contains the same ingredient as anti-freeze)? Me neither. This came right out of a nurse practitioners mouth too.

So now you know ...

Can I really be supermom?

Yesterday I worked a 12 hour day. Today might be another one as work never stops in my department esp after we're not outsourcing as much. Today I was tempted to drink a fully leaded latte just to wake up. I slept great last night with the new cool mist humidifier (that's a whole other blog post) but why am I tired? Oh yea, I'm a human incubator! Duh!

This all has me wondering -- can I be supermom? My husband won't be embarrassed that I say this but I'm the breadwinner. I'm the career-driven one in our household. I want to advance in my career. I'd like to get a MBA. Sure, he is more talented than I and could make more money than I but he wants to work 6 days a week for half of what he was paid in the corporate world. Guess what's he's happy and no amount of me pushing will get him where I'd like him to be. He has to come to that decision on his own.

Back to supermom. I'd tried my hardest to work the same pace at my job but today I'm really tired. I begin to worry. Will this reflect on advancing my career? I look at the new moms around me -- some have went part time (see above paragraph) -- others seem totally unphased by having a baby -- others are scattered. I want to be totally unphased.

Have you read the Secret? I believe in that book. It's helped my attitude over the past year. The book says if you want something, you put it out there and you'll get back what you want. I believe this booked helped me get a new job, a house and more positive friends. So if I believe I am supermom, it's mine -- right? Why am I doubting myself? I want to be the best I can at work and be the best mom and wife. I just have to believe that in my heart.

I've also been working the Secret on my baby and my mother skills, but that's a whole other blog post as well.

Now, I must head out to work. It might be another 12 hour day.