What about blogs?

Last night at Ignite Bend my lovely friend Kate posed the question "Who blogs anymore?" and then I got to thinking ... oh crap! I haven't blogged in over a month. My last post was about lack of time in my life but then I got to thinking that maybe I shouldn't say that and be more positive. Maybe I should have a "I CAN DO IT ALL" attitude?


Where was I? Oh yes, my lack of blogging and my new attitude. I CAN DO IT. So, I was talking to my husband and after 10 years of doing the internet thing, I'm thinking I might register a domain name and take this up a notch since I have plenty of time on my hands, ya know.

And then I remembered that next month was National Novel Writing Month. Maybe this is my opportunity to get back in the game and writing away? Maybe this is the time that my husband should get cracking on my website? (hint, hint)

I started thinking about my goal a few years ago to write something about being a motherless daughter. I got discouraged because the person who wanted to edit made some negative comments about the first two posts so I abandoned that idea. I'm pretty sure I can fill 30 days with content about my mom or just memories in general of growing up. It can be something Ben and maybe my neices and nephews could look at and get some insight on how I (or my brothers) grew up.

Wish me luck. (gulp)

In the Bulletin

photo courtesy of Pete and The Bulletin


Today, Ben and I were in the Bulletin. It was a really really good article and I had so many ppl at work complimenting me and giving me pats on the back. At first, when I admitted I was having a hard time, I felt weak but it made me stronger, voicing my opinion. My husband is correct in thinking that I thought that I wasn't doing a good job at anything -- being a mom, work, my marriage, my home and friends. Knowing that I have support in all facets of my life keeps me going.

Thanks to everyone for your support! My co-workers! The Bloggers! The Tweets! And my family.

I don't talk about my mom much and honestly, I guess I have been so wrapped up in Lil B that sometimes I think he occupies my world when I'm not at work but I know my mom is proud of me and she's there every step of the way in spirit.

Dreams

Since I've been pregnant, I'd had really vivid dreams. One dream had my husband claiming he was Jeff Tweedy. Another dream had my husband wanting to be a polygamist. Another had my friend Erin as a make up artist and I was an actress playing Anne Frank but last night's dream had a message.

When I was in Omaha, something upset me. I won't go into details but it upset me so much that I haven't been able to get over it and it had to do with my mom. Last night I had a dream where my mom and I were sitting in my living room and she told me I just needed to move on that she's here for me and I don't need material things to remind me of her. I just need to look in that baby's eyes and she's there.

What a powerful message. I had to admit I cried. I was just talking to my dad about this incident that happened and he was telling me there was nothing I could do just move on but a message from my mom -- wow.

Did you have to grab some tissue for that one?

Moving on ... I am sad to say I can't go faster than 2.8 on the treadmill. I used to do 4.0 but that would involve serious strain on myself. I'm fearing this baby weight isn't going to go off. I told my husband that I'm going to start body pump after the baby is 6 weeks old because I'm not going to be a fatty anymore but 2.8 -- that's just sad!

Happy vday!

Dreams

We are back from our weekend away in the forest. It rained the whole weekend so it meant staying in and watching movies in the cabin with the fireplace blazing away. It was really nice. I just relaxed and finally read my pregnancy magazines, took naps, ate junk food -- it was nice. What would have been made it nicer was if the rain would have turned to snow. It was surprisingly 5 degrees too hot for that.

On Friday night, I had the strangest dream. In my dream, my mother was picking out furniture for her home. She basically had a furniture store in the basement and I went through and helped her. My mom was never good at interior decorating (same with me) so she thought two heads were better than one. As we walked through the items, she had several cribs and changing tables and said "pick one out for the baby -- it's on me." I woke up and told my husband at breakfast. He really didn't saw much. Maybe it's a message. Maybe it's nothing but it was freaky. I often have dreams like this and usually I say "Mom but you're dead" but I didn't this time.

I'm having anxiety about a bunch of things -- all money related. We have a large IRS payment to make in January and I'm worried about maternity leave and making ends meat. I think I need to re-read The Secret and just stop worrying. Everything will fall into place. It always does.

Morning sickness wasn't so bad this weekend. Maybe because of all the naps and junk food?

Looking forward to the 3 day work week. Woo hoo.

I didn't post this so you'd feel sorry for me

Today I ventured to the local shopping area to look at maternity tops. I don't intend to buy any tops for another two weeks but I just wanted to see what was out there. We don't have too many maternity options in Bend -- maybe three places. So while I looked, another girl was with her mom looking for a winter maternity coat. Her mother was really cute, giving her jacket after jacket. to try on I began reflecting on how my own mother would act. I even thought to myself "gee, if that was my mother, she'd buy the coat for me." She was just that kinda mother.

Usually, reflecting on my mom wouldn't upset me but being hormonal, it did. I came to turns with my mother's untimely death years ago. I don't cry over my mom's death. After 12 years, tears are just wasted because there is nothing I can change. I watched the mother and daughter and felt really jealous and then the mom bought the winter coat for the daughter. I had to get out of there.

Just to be blunt, it royally sucks that my mom isn't here to help or answer questions. I have aunts I can call or friends I could ask but nothing can compare to your mother. I know everything will be ok but it can't I just how bad it sucks.

I think I'm done with my rant.

ANYWAY, I did find two pairs of J. Jill Wearever pants on sale that will come in really handy over the next few months. My boss won't have to question my fashion sense.