The real deal on being a mother part deux

I would like to preface that I LOVE my son but I feel the need to write this post so please bear with me

Here I go again with another one of "those" posts. Maybe I should write a memoir? Oh wait, I'd have to spell correctly and actually proofread (which you may have noticed I HATE to do).

What is bothering me so much? I'm depressed. I don't have actual postpartum depression but I am depressed -- about my weight, that is. And here in lies photographic evidence:



At the end of my pregnancy, I had gained over 50 pounds, most of which was water weight. Right now, I'm 10 lbs away from pre-pregnancy weight but my wedding ring doesn't fit. My shirts are TOO tight (my chest area, HUGE) and my mid-section is a little stretched and doughy. I don't feel sexy. Work clothes shopping was a drag. The issue is I have no time to work out and I can't diet because I'm breastfeeding. The good news is I'm one size away from where I started but even THAT wasn't a good weight. I must face the fact -- I have let myself go and well, that's sad.

So how do I get back to where I want to be? Simple -- exercise and eating right. That means I make time to exercise. Yes, that will take time away from Ben but will had time onto my life. I must eat better. Though I can am supposed to eat an extra 500 calories, that doesn't mean I can eat nila wafers and frosting or a bowl of ice cream with marionberries and chocolate.

So, what's the plan? I have a few options. First, maybe I should post something each Sunday -- I mean, not just say I'm going to but really post something about what I did the week before. As for exercise, I really like the Body Pump classes at my local gym and I also have two pairs of roller derby skates in my closet. I could join the recreational derby league of the Renegades of Oregon again and skate twice a week for cardio (Body Pump is cardio and weights combined). The schedule works for me since Ben goes to bed about the time practice starts.

That is as far as I have gotten. I CANNOT JOIN STROLLER STRIDES. Please don't post that in my comments as I will be working starting next week. If you have any ideas, let me know. I'm almost going to go as far as maybe posting my weight and inches measurements.

I'm hoping that by losing some weight, I'm going to feel better about myself. I am so in love with my baby though. I don't regret having him because I know I have the keys to my health and I need to stop making excuses and JUST DO IT ALREADY!

Now is your cute photo of Ben for the day via my new Blackberry Pearl...

The real deal on being a mother

I would like to preface that I LOVE my son but I feel the need to write this post so please bear with me

I knew being a mother was hard but what I didn't know was that it is a lot harder than I thought. At 10 weeks, I feel like I have a handle on Benjamin but in the back of my mind, I know he will change. Before I had him, I talked about all the walking we'd do along the river (we did this once), all the lunches we'd go on (we did this once), all the napping I'd do when he naps (hardly ever), how clean my house would be (I cleaned it 8 weeks ago and it's a total mess right now), how we'd go to the Farmer's Market each week (went twice). I had no idea how hard it would be to get a baby to sleep (thank you sleep books!). The things that have been easy have been those I thought would be hard ... diaper changing and breastfeeding.

Point being, I thought I'd be able to do a lot of stuff in which I haven't. I was going to start the South Beach Diet but since I'm breastfeeding, I have this hardy appitite and there is no point in dieting just eating healthy (fruits, veggies, lean protein, whole wheat). I can't make it to the gym because I can't go during the day and by the time Ben is in bed, it's 9 p.m.

The reason why I'm writing this is that I had a total meltdown on my husband last night. Yesterday was exhausting. I had some friends over and Ben didn't want to sleep but at the same time he did want to sleep. I finally got him down for a nap around 3 p.m. only for the dog to wake him up 15 mins later (is it a cruel to want to buy a bark collar?). On Wednesdays, my husband has a standing thing. He only missed his standing thing once in the past 10 weeks but yesterday after Ben wouldn't go to sleep last night, I asked him to stay home because I was exhausted! My husband was a little upset about this and sorta pouted about it and then I had my meltdown. My hobby right now is Ben. He eats 8 hours a day! That is what I signed up for and I haven't been able to fix my hair (good thing I have a haircut that looks good without fixing) or put make up on in 10 weeks. I am one size away from fitting into clothes and well, I don't have anytime for myself or alone time with my husband. Of course, my husband felt really bad about the pouting and let me go to bed early.

Today I canceled coffee with a friend so Ben wouldn't miss his nap (he naps at 9 a.m., noonish and 3 p.m.ish). As much as I need human interaction right now, that kid needs his naps so he isn't overtired. I learned my lesson yesterday. Small sacrifice for my child.

Yes, I love Ben. He is truly a wonderful gift. I am grateful that I have a very involved husband too who steps in and helps because I know alot of men that don't help their wives with the baby. I am grateful for my friends who always want to help out too.

The one thing I know about motherhood -- it's ever changing and that when this little guy smiles at you at 3 a.m. when he's hungry -- it melts your heart.

Things I learn at Mom's Mornings...

I love Mom's Mornings as I get to bond with other mothers. Ben is still the youngest but we had new babies today. I am going to try to continue Mom's Mornings when work starts and take an extended lunch so Ben can see his friends.

Anyway, back to what I learned. You can file this under "TMI" but did you know that coconut oil is a good natural substitute for KY Jelly (which contains the same ingredient as anti-freeze)? Me neither. This came right out of a nurse practitioners mouth too.

So now you know ...

Healthy sleep rituals

Now that Ben is one month old, we're supposed to start healthy sleep rituals. When I mention this to my mom friends, some give me great ideas why others are like "rituals, ha, you don't need no stinkin' rituals." One constant is he is usually nursed and swaddled but that's usually the same for his naps. I think that bathing him is a pain, esp since he doesn't get dirty and we give him a bath three times a week anyway. If you have good ideas or think rituals are stupid, leave a comment.

For the most part, he's sleeping good 5 nights our of 7. Some nights, well, he is fussy and wants to sleep on mom but that is stopping because I can't sleep. Last night was the best night ever. He went 4 hours, then woke up every three. I didn't even wake Brian up to help me so he got a good night of sleep.. As soon as he was swaddled, Ben was out. I pray this continues.

When is this kid going to stop eating every two hours during the day? I can't get things done like my house cleaned for our in-law visit in a few days.

Thanks, but no thanks

Ya know, I was told by everyone that people would just offer random advice and that I'd get highly annoyed by it. I've skipped through without much unsolicited advice but since I've started showing, the advice has started pouring in. Last week someone asked me if I was drinking decaf coffee (which I was) and then two hours later when I cracked open a Pepsi, someone tried to take it away from me. Then after I got my haircut, someone came up and lectured me on how I shouldn't be coloring my hair (which I haven't done since November). I just mostly smile and try not to act annoyed but sometimes it's hard.

Onto another topic... my birthday was on Sunday and though the day went by without fuss, it was a good day. Lil Berger blessed me with the present of my first Braxton Hicks contraction while at a Superbowl Party. At first I was a little freaked until I told my friend Shawn who explained what it was. My husband bought me a new DVD player since we thought ours was broke ... turns out the cat must has unhooked it while taking a nap behind the television so now we have a DVD player in the bedroom.

The whole birthday thing this week has me grateful for the "moms" in my life. Since my family is 1500 miles away (my dad is 3000), I mostly get calls and emails. I am grateful for my surrogate mothers -- Joey and Kathy. I showed up to work on Monday and they had presents sitting on my desk. They made the day after really special. I can't forget to thank Shawn for breakfast and the cookbook and Kina for the soap and baby things (that frog jacket is SO cute).

I'm blessed with wonderful people in my life.

Messages boards

I've been sitting on this one for a few days but I kinda want to rant about baby messages boards. Yes, they are meant to be helpful and a lot of times people ask questions I want to ask but don't but lately, some of the ladies are getting on my nerves. For example, someone asked about immunizations. Most people are for them with the exception of one mom who describes physicians as "being in it for the money and paid by the drug companies." Excuse me? Wow! All physicians? She went onto say that none do work for free either. I BEG YOUR PARDON? A lot of doctors go on missions and volunteer in third world countries. Many locally volunteer at our community clinics.

There was also this long argument about natural child birth. I'm sorry but if I'm in pain, give me drugs. This isn't the 1800s. Call me lame but it's my choice. I can't believe how many women jumped down another's throat about the suject. Other taboo topics to avoid breastfeeding, cloth diapers and anything green. You're a horrible mother if you don't go green. Who can afford that? NOT ME!

The internet has made us all try to self-diagnose before picking up the phone to make that call. I'm guilty of it. It's amazing the stuff on immunizations on the internet. It's just as bad as the stuff my husband found on circumcision. The rule, don't believe everything you read on the internet. It might have an agenda esp when it comes to your kids.

For now, I'm going to stick to the Dr. Sear's books and my pediatrician for advice -- not messages boards.

Maybe that should be my next topic -- picking a pediatrician. Of course, I'm totally biased since I work with two of the most wonderful docs in Bend and choosing between them is going to be really really hard.

Thank GOD for bffs

I decided this morning to get my registry ready at Target. I have already registered at Babies r Us for half of what I need so I had my Target list in hand. I called my BFF Shawn and asked if she wanted to help me since I had no clue about brands and she's been testing some for months. So with guns in hand we hit the tiny baby aisle at Target to scan away baby stuff. After 90 mins, we were complete and without her advice, I'd be completely lost. Even a gal registering by herself was listening to her advice.

Somehow, I registered for a whooping 62 items at Target. Some will get deleted when I find out the sex but my Babies R Us registry is only 29 items. Our rule was "I'll register if I really need it" and I can't believe I actually need 100 items. I didn't register for diapers, cremes, lotions and stuff like that and Brian really wants a Baby Bjorn (he thought there was going to be one wrapped up under the tree).

So I was feeling bad about all the items but my friend said "you need all of these. Don't feel bad!" So I won't allow myself to be guilty!


Moms need gifts you know! With my birthday a little over a month away, I think I found what I want:

What is it? It's a Sharper Image Microderm kit

Since I've been pregnant, my skin has been breaking out like crazy. It's the first time in my life I've had to deal with acne.

And if you go through ebates.com, you get 5% back!

Gaining weight

I've been buried in my Baby Bargains book the past few nights. Last night was a chapter on baby clothes and suggests I tell people NOT to give my baby newborn clothes because they are a waste of money. OK, how does one ask their family and friends not to send clothes? Yea, I can't do that.

The book is worrying me with making sure I have the firmest mattress on God's green earth so my baby doesn't suffocate. I would have never thought of that. Now I know why people say "DON'T READ THE BOOKS." I tossed and turned all night thinking about it. What if my baby is too hot because it will be summer (we don't have A/C)? OMG, We need a ceiling fan in the baby room! See what I mean?

Anyway, back to the subject at hand .. it's officially trimester two and today was my OB appointment where I learn that I'm not gaining enough weight. I haven't been hungry at all. I have no desire to eat food. I'm not craving anything. I try to eat my cereal and it tastes gross. I try to choke down green veggies -- yuck. Doc says to keep taking the vitamins because my diet is poor. On the plus side, I can start taking pre-natal exercise classes and I will start in January with water classes! Yay! And, I heard the heartbeat -- 155 beats per min. More proof there is a baby in my belly.

My husband didn't come to the appoint. Some were shocked by this. Does my husband need to go every time? He's pretty bored at them and he's a busy man. I figure he'll go to the appoints with pomp and circumstance -- like the ultrasound I'm scheduling for three weeks from tomorrow. WOO HOO. But really, does he need to go?

Off to the store to find things to eat to fatten me up. Wish me luck!

Thank god for friends

In the past year, I've had a lot of friends have babies that live in Bend. I've seen their many styles and have said on occasion, "I want to be like that mom" or "I don't want to be like that mom." I can say that all I want but I know I will be the mom I'm supposed to be.

My friend Alissa gave me some good advice today -- stop freaking out. She's right! I shouldn't be worried about baby gear right now! Although I got some fabulous advice about my registry, I don't like stuff and clutter so I'm going to keep it simple -- get what I need along the way and start checking out craigslist.

And if I want a $150 Jeep Stoller, damn it, I'm going to register for it. Because mark my worss, Charlie (my dog), the baby and I will be walking up Pilot Butte during maternity leave and we need that stroller.

Bring on the second trimester!